Let go, let go, let go

I’ve been busy of late in places other than the blogosphere. Like going to my 50th high school reunion, visiting friends and family in Ontario, taking on the role of chair of the communications committee in my gated community here in Florida.

I’ll start with the reunion, spread out like an Indian wedding over a wonderful three days in rural northern New York State. In a small town small school, everyone knows everyone, the years didn’t matter. We picked up with each other almost where we left off fifty years ago. At the banquet on Saturday night in the Catholic Church Hall I was honored to receive the Alumnae of the Year award for my writing efforts to promote a more holistic approach to the treatment of schizophrenia.

What was not so amazing was the number of people in the room who came up to me later to share how they have been personally touched by schizophrenia. One man told me that my speech evoked a flood of memories of a favorite cousin who disappeared years ago. Another woman approached me to tell me that her daughter is doing graduate work in psychology, focusing on schizophrenia. Someone else wanted to order my book for the local library. Schizophrenia touches many lives.

The community newsletter that I’m putting out once a month has given me a chance to get to know my neighbors more. In theory, it should be easy. I just work off a template and wait for board members and others to send me their news. In reality, there are always small problems that need fixing. It’s vying for time with this blog.

A few weeks ago, Chris and I began attending a metaphysical church where the emphasis is on awakening to the inspiration and guidance of spirit, focusing on healings, mediumship, and embracing the teachings of all Master Teachers.

The church also offers courses based on A Course in Miracles, the words of Jesus transcribed over many months by Helen Schucman, a professor of medical psychology at Columbia University. The book was published in 1975 by The Inner Peace Foundation. It’s essentially an instructional device in how to love (become whole), by letting go of the fear and delusional thoughts to which our ego clings. “It teaches that the way to universal love and peace—or remembering God—is by undoing guilt through forgiving others. The Course thus focuses on the healing of relationships and making them holy.”

only the mind can be sick, only the mind can be healed. Only the mind is in need of healing; we must change our mind about the “reality” of illusions; there is no such thing as “sin” (there are only errors (in thought) that we must correct; Illness of any kind may be defined as the result of the view of the self as weak, vulnerable, evil and endangered, and thus in need of constant defense; while truth is simple, it must stil be taught to those who have already lost their way in endless mazes of complexity. This is the great ill.

And what then is my error in thought in this journey of healing? That I did not put full trust in the healing power of the Universe (God, if you will) to let go of my fear that the result would be inferior to the result that I wanted. My ego knew this was a error that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to correct one day. I carried on nonetheless, endlessly trying new therapies that got closer to God in many respects (music and vibration) without callng on him by Name, in the hope that I almost singlehandedly could lead Chris to taking responsiblity to heal himelf. I was giving an intellectual nod to God that he obviously was important, except I wasn’t treating Him like he was. Where was the mysterious hand of God in all of this?

Recalling Level 5 of Dr. Dietrich Klinghardt’s healing pyramid, where I started off years ago:

Level 5:
The 5th level is the plane of self-healing. I call this level
the “spirit body”. The only relationship that exists here is the
relationship between the individual and god. The fifth level
is this part of God that reaches into us and wants to learn and
experience the physical word through this individual with all
his or her flaws, strengths and idiosyncrasies. A physician,
psychologist, or guru who claims that he can be helpful on
the 5th level is being arrogant, misleading, dangerous and
simply wrong. Anyone who truly has experienced this level
will have an attitude of deep respect and understands that it
cannot be explained using language. People that talk often
about “god”, “angels” and other spiritual experiences are suspicious to me. People too deeply involved in the “New Age”
often have significant unresolved family issues or guilt (that
is either taken on from another family member or “earned”
through one’s own mistakes). The pain and necessary healing work is often avoided by involving oneself in extensive
spiritual practices that never seem to resolve the real issues.
Treatment:
Any exploration of this level is left to the patient.
As practitioners we have no right to intrude on this plane.
An attitude of great respect and humbleness is appropriate. Interfering would be saying: “the part of God that
works through me ( the practitioner) is more important or
healed then the part of God you (the client) represent”.

I’m still around, I’m still interested in helping Chris where I can, it’s just that I can’t do it all, have never wanted to do it all, and I’m more and more interested in finding my own peace by turning this over to Chris and his Father.

Let go and let God.

Patience can be rewarding

I first got interested in the trauma theory of schizophrenia when I learned about neurologist Dr. Dietrich Klinghard’s pyramid of healing. Briefly stated, “schizophrenia” is located Level 4 of the pyramid, the level of intuition, dreams, trance, meditative states, out-of-body experiences, and the collective unconscious. Dr. Klinghart believes that healing that takes place at this level has a trickle down effect on the lower levels, where impaired physical health expresses itself.

If Dr. Klinghardt is on to something, then there is no pressing need right now for Chris to consult an immunologist about his immune system, as I wondered about in my last post. Since Chris has undergone several trauma clearing therapies and is boosting his immune system now with plant power (2nd level), a good strategy might be to continue to wait and hope for the trickle down health benefits. These surely don’t happen overnight. I have seen some small evidence that points to his immune system beginning to send the right signals to his body. This strategy also had the added allure of not bringing in medical doctors to to further complicate our lives.

Poetry and play reading

Before and after our visit to the shaman, Chris attended a daily outpatient program for young people with mental health problems. He was an enigma to the staff. During our monthly meetings with his doctor, it was difficult to convince him to lower Chris’s medications because Chris’s “clinical” presentation was so poor. Chris was fairly happy and moderately talkative at home, but assumed the role of a mental patient at the program.

My exasperation sometimes spilled over. “Chris, can’t you just fake it for once?” I would complain. “Dr. ‘L’ holds the keys to the insane asylum. You need his blessing to get him off my back and agree to lower the medications. He is GO. You have to pass GO to collect the two hundred dollars. Get it?”

No, Chris didn’t get it. He appeared not to be able to fake his way out of whatever it was that was keeping him labeled “hopeless” at the program. Dr. ‘L’ told us in our next meeting that the staff were instructed to treat Chris especially gently. He obviously considered Chris a “nut case,” although he didn’t use that word. Instead, he said that he and the other doctors thought Chris was very bright, but they just didn’t know what the problem was. He pointed out that Chris had difficulty using scissors to cut paper during art therapy. “But, you know,” said Dr. ‘L’ earnestly, “we are amazed he is very good in acting class.”

I realized that I didn’t care any more what kind of clinical impression Chris gave. Maybe the clinic was the problem, I thought. True, it didn’t look good not to be able to cut paper, but then why was Chris able to do these things and more at home? He could quite dexterously handle tools to help fix things around the house. Maybe there was something wrong with having to perform for others at a clinic, to be judged by those around you, and to be compared to an apple when you are an orange, or maybe even a grape. Whatever the clinic was doing, it wasn’t doing it for me or for Chris. I had seen enough by then to realize that inside an institution was possibly the last place anyone would get well.

I had internalized some messages that now guided my thinking. Message number one (from Dr. Hoffer): Nobody who relies on drugs alone will ever get well. Message number two (from Dr. Klinghardt): The root of schizophrenia is often found at the fourth (intuitive) level of healing; if the problem doesn’t clear with therapies aimed at the first (physical) level, look to level four.

Dr. ‘L’ suggested that we read Waiting for Godot, as Chris reminded him of that play. It was easy enough to see why—the meaninglessness, indecisiveness, and inertness in the play mirrored Chris’s existence. Thereafter, for a brief period, Ian and I enlivened our lives, which had become confined to our couch, our television, and a nightly bottle of red wine, with a little play acting. We certainly appreciated where Dr. ‘L’ was coming from on this one. Ian assigned everybody roles. Taylor was Pozzo; Chris was Vladimir; Ian, Estragon; and I was the narrator. Chris read his part like a seasoned professional. He stepped outside of himself for once. His face took on an enthusiasm and a flourish. The play was the thing for him.

After spending several evenings on Waiting for Godot, we switched to poetry readings. Each of us read a favorite poem. Chris, in a clear and confident voice, with evident feeling and from memory, immediately volunteered this poem by Robert Frost:

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

(Fire and Ice by Robert Frost)

I recognize this poem as a very appealing to a schizophrenic sensibility. Fire/ice, love/hate. Ambivalence and death with a dollop of guilt thrown in.

We had informally approached Level 4 through our play reading and poetry. I saw the positive effect this had on Chris. More of this approach was needed to appeal to what was going on in his mind. We had done all we could at the base level of vitamins and electromagnetic interventions. We had yet to approach level 4 formally through therapy.

Prince Charles and the Royal Family

Ten days later after our first visit with the shaman, Chris returned for a checkup. Although this second visit wasn’t strictly necessary, I was beginning to appreciate the journey as a way of preparing for the outcome. As expected, Chris’s assemblage point was whole and had remained where the shaman had repositioned it. Nonetheless, Chris got a top-up of diamond and carnelian on his chest only.

I decided that I would like to have my assemblage point put back into shape the old-fashioned way, using the shaman’s blow and crystal wands. Given my age and the strain I had been under, my assemblage point had predictably traveled up the panic and anxiety line to the right side of my chest. The shaman’s assistant asked me to stand with my back to him, tighten my sphincter, and hold my breath. Then he quickly thumped my right shoulder blade. I was caught off guard. Air was forced reflexively out of my lungs and I emitted a little squeak. So that was the famous shaman’s blow! I then hopped onto the table where I was handed a giant quartz crystal wand that I struggled to keep upright over my assemblage point while the transducer pumped emerald crystal vibrations through my wine soaked liver. I stayed in that ludicrous position for twenty minutes.

A couple of days before, Prince Charles had delivered a keynote address at the World Health Organization about his belief that national health systems should take more account of alternative treatments such as homeopathy and acupuncture. I remarked on this to the shaman, who confided that established Harley Street doctors in London were quite concerned these days because members of the Royal Family were now largely seeing homeopathic doctors and other alternative medical practitioners.

I mentally began adding up the alternative treatments Chris had undergone: colonics; acupuncture; vitamins and supplements; energy medicine, including the magnetic mattress and a magnetic bracelet; Emotional Freedom Technique; and assemblage point shift. On a scale of 1 to 10, if Chris was a 10 when he was first hospitalized, then I would have to say he was now about a 5, a 4 at the most. He just was not visibly normal, meaning that he seemed somewhat nervous, was not comfortable around people in large or small groups and was not able to motivate himself. I attributed a lot of this to the effects of the medications, which I believed kept him in an anxious state, but I didn’t attribute all of it to the medications.

I felt that we were on the right track with all the interventions we had done up until that point, but that there was still a missing X factor that had not been addressed. The good that the vitamins had accomplished this far were undermined by the still heavy doses of meds. I believed that the benefits of the assemblage point shift would reveal themselves over the next few months and hopefully lead to a complete cure. We weren’t there yet. I still had not tried to approach Level 4 of the healing pyramid in a formal way.

As the shaman predicted, Chris gradually began to express his thoughts and convictions more. It was subtle, but it became increasingly apparent in the next few months. He more frequently expressed his preferences and sometimes lingered to talk a bit more. What surprised me is that I also felt that I was becoming more real. I became even more direct and focused.

Desperate housewife

A reader contacted me. He was clearly alarmed at the direction in which he felt I personally am heading. He referred to my “grasping at straws”, my being “on a crusade”, and urged me to avoid “snake oil”. He expressed his opinion that all of this plus maternal guilt was clouding my ability to think rationally. According to the reader, this means that I am not providing effective support for Chris. Furthermore, by claiming center stage I am placing my needs before Chris’s. My blog, he feels, is a coping mechanism.

Since the reader knows me only through what I have written, his perception is valid. I believe in turn that I have pushed the bounds of his comfort zone.

My blog is about holistic recovery from schizophrenia. It also happens to include many references to my own understanding/healing process that was needed under the circumstances. The Cambridge Online Dictionary defines holistic as “relating to the whole of something or to the total system instead of just to its parts.” My interpretation of holistic has grown to include self-examination as a component of Chris’s and my healing process. I submit that looking at how I may have contributed to Chris’s existential dilemma is a valid way forward. I do not feel “guilty” and neither should anyone in these circumstances. Guilt doesn’t heal people.

Holistic recovery means that we are taking advantage of what healing information is currently out there and available. The information is not from traditional medicine. Going holistic means moving off level one of the healing pyramid. Level one is about treating illnesses, not just mental illnesses, with vitamin therapy, diet, medications and surgery, where necessary.

Once we move off level one we are headed into the realm of energy medicine, energy psychology, psychotherapy in its many branches, acupuncture, homeopathy, yoga, meditation, chakras, shamanism, out of body experiences, the Akashic records, meaningful coincidences, quantum physics, near death experiences. These pick up where Dr. Hoffer and other proponents of orthomolecular medicine left off. (See: Energy psychology and Emotional Freedom Technique – April 21. 2009.) When orthomolecular medicine was introduced it tread on a lot of people’s comfort zones. It still does, to some people.

All of the therapies that I discuss in my blog incorporate the idea in one form or another that human beings are energy masses. We vibrate. Our molecules rub up against other people’s molecules. We have cellular memory. The individual has his own energy field, but the family also has an energy field. I believe that psychotherapy as a discipline implicitly acknowledges our molecular co-dependence but does not usually describe itself using these terms.

Correcting misaligned energy can be done physically and psychically. It can be done by a doctor, a shaman, a psychiatrist, a priest or through your own thought process. This is a new concept that is vying for a place alongside orthomolecular medicine and psychotherapy in treating mental illness. New ideas invariably disturb people’s comfort zones. They take a long time to gain acceptance.

I occupy center stage in my blog because I write it. Writing any blog seems like an inherently narcissistic act. Where I hope my value added lies is precisely because I am the mother and I am willing to share some of myself and Chris with others. Chris and I have undergone many of the therapies together, which means I can report on them with some confidence. Publishing this may leave people with the impression that I am desperately clutching at straws and trying to convince people that if people would only do what Chris and I are doing, all will be well. We know it doesn’t work that way.

A holistic approach has taught me to appreciate that there are no such thing as coincidences. By contacting me when he did, my reader has helped me think about perception. I am sharing Chris’s and my experiences in the higher levels of healing to allow you to cherry pick what you want from the realm of healing possibilities. It is not desperation on my part that drives me to investigate these rather unusual therapies for Chris. These therapies have helped Chris to heal in ways that the medications did not do. They might just do the same for you.

Why diet isn’t everything

The state-of-the art research that I mentioned in my last post links many disorders such as schizophrenia, depression, autism, etc. to wheat and gluten intolerances. Chris’s doctor determined that he suffers from candidiasis, a systemic overgrowth of the yeastlike fungus Candida albicans. This fungus is normally found in the intestines, but an overpopulation can occur due to a number of factors, among them weakened immunity, poor digestion, a diet high in foods that tend to foster yeast, or the use of antibiotics, which kill off essential helpful bacteria that aid in maintaining the proper balance of flora in the intestines.

Candidiasis can be a lifelong problem. It interferes with digestion and nutrient absorption, which in turn affects physical and mental health. Nutritional deficiencies further contribute to intestinal dysfunction and candidiasis. The two produce a negative feedback loop toward deteriorating mental health. Eventually the brain itself becomes overwhelmed by yeast. Various combinations of vitamins and minerals are prescribed in addition to restricting or eliminating wheat, gluten and dairy products from the diet. In addition to the wheat/gluten/dairy intolerance another widely implicated factor in schizophrenia is excess copper.

Some people have been known to recover quickly from schizophrenia by taking just supplements and changing their diet. A lot of people do not. Dr. Dietrich Klinghart, a German physician who with practices in Germany and in the United States, maintains that if schizophrenia is not cured at the physical level (level I – vitamins, herbs, nutrition, etc.) the problem most likely resides at level IV of the healing pyramid. Level IV is the intuitive level of dreams, trance, meditative states, out-of-body experiences, and the collective unconscious. Dr. Klinghardt’s five levels of healing form a healing pyramid, with the upper levels exerting a trickle-down effect on your state of physical and mental health. Healing cannot take place at a lower level if there is an unresolved issue at a higher level.

Having worked with many of the therapies discussed in Dr. Klinghardt’s healing pyramid I am mindful that all the good work that vitamin and diet support can accomplish can be overruled by the mind. Until the mind is ready, the body will not follow. I have seen this recently in Chris. He was doing really well, he was no longer on medications, he was taking vitamin supplements and he was adhering to a recommended diet. We were all in shock when he started to become unravelled. His mind, I am convinced, put the brakes on further progress. He was becoming a victim of his own success. Heartened by his progress up up until then, my husband and I had begun to encourage him to go back to university full time, to develop himself further as a musician, to think in terms of possibilities. He panicked. Psychosis was his escape hatch.

Why he panicked is goes to the heart of the matter. Getting to the essence of cause is where schizophrenia begins to get really, really interesting. The trip is a long one.