I said goodbye to Jennifer a couple of weeks ago after making two quick trips out to see her in the space of a few days. On the first trip, I brought her a pretty floral dress picked up on sale that I thought would look good on her. She was delighted and said she would wear it to church that weekend.
To put an optimistic spin on whether she will do the Focused Listening program that I have been encouraging her to do, the answer is she has NOT been doing it, and my hope is that she will turn to it in future when she’s in a state of mind that will allow her to take more control of her health. To underscore this message, I typed out a letter for her that I slipped into the dress bag. I said that the only real gift I could give her was the music program.
On my final visit, I brought along a mutual friend who is keen on checking in with Jennifer from time to time. I’ve instructed my friend in the basics of the music therapy and she’s in charge of some money donated by our Club’s Board members that is earmarked for further equipment if there is a need.
Jennifer asked us if on our way home, we could to take her back to her old flat (15 kilometres away!) so she could get in her daily 3-hour walk back to the hospital. It was a blazing hot day. She doesn’t use sunblock. I noticed that Jennifer was back to wearing flimsy slippers, not the sturdy walking shoes she’d gladly accepted from me on a previous visit for exactly that purpose. I wince when I think of her walking all that way in the heat in those shoes. I’ve dealt with the same lack of follow through or understanding of protecting one’s health and comfort with Chris.
The difference between her and Chris? Chris lives with his parents and I’m constantly in his face about wearing sunblock, wearing the right shoes, and doing some useful exercises to improve his mental health. Jennifer’s care has been entrusted to the state. I’ll never figure out why so many parents spend so much of their energy trying to get the state to parent their grown children. I can well understand the impulse, but when you see that the state is an imperfect parent, and always will be, wouldn’t it make more sense to hunker down with your relative for far longer than you would care to parent, and focus, at the very least, on protecting one’s physical health?
Fare thee well, Jennifer. I hope that in time you will figure out what you need to get to a better place.