Was it Mad Magazine that used to run a feature called “Scenes We’d Like to See”? If I remember correctly these were usually truths about certain products or people that political correctness doesn’t normally allow to come to the surface.

In that vein, here are some common side effects of a schizophrenia diagnosis that you never see in the pharmaceutical literature. Bear in mind that the diagnosis is not the cause of the condition, but it’s a label that can lead to much more havoc than is commonly acknowledged by your health care professional.

“ACME” PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY (buried somewhere in the fine print or sad voice-over in commercial)

The side effects of a schizophrenia diagnosis affect more than just the patient. Here are some common ones that may be observed both in the diagnosed and in close relatives of the diagnosed.

• Feelings of hopelessness, sadness and despair

• Lowered expectations

• Job loss

• INCREASED CONSUMPTION OF

          • Alcohol

          • Antidepressants

          • Antipsychotic medication

          • Food

          • Clothing

          • Marijuana

          • Marriage counsellors

          • Divorce lawyers

          • Social workers

          • Police

          • Psychiatrists

          • Psychologists

          • Priests, rabbis, prayer groups